“For despite his confidence, and his apparent maturity, I suspected that there was in him a deep and childish need to elevate, and idealize, the love object. This is not uncommon in artists. The very nature of their work, the long periods of isolation followed by public self-display, and the associated risk of rejection all conspire to create unnaturally intense relationships with their sexual partners. Then, when disillusion occurs, as of course it must, the sense of betrayal is profound...”
-Patrick McGrath, Asylum
Haha, in my life, so guilty of this. Idealism is a painful thing. But an important North Star, too-
Wonder if it is possible to idealize people & things, moments- while also realizing that it all must fall away. Nothing can stay the same.
After all, everything in life is beautiful, meaningful, specifically for its transience.
And yet.... we can trap beauty for a little while, can we not... within pages?
"The light through the trees had an old, permanent beauty. The leaves were wet and bright near the river, and I moved through them almost happily, floating down towards the main road. I’d thumb a ride; I’d take a bus home. This spongy ground, this washed air. The trees lifting as they dried. I had a feeling of things about to happen, an arboreal taste in my mouth. Free. I was free.
There were lakes in my heart, ashy, dreamless; growing wider."
- Evening's Land
This is a wild soul-book